Do you ever wonder why you are the way you are now? Or why you have your own strengths and weaknesses? And others have their own? And like why can’t you have their strength or why you were given that weakness? Do you think it’s possible to turn that weakness into a strength in you? If possible, then how? Do you hate yourself for the weaknesses you have? Have you reached a certain point where you get so angry at yourself for being so weak that you just want everything to end? Do you sit down and ask yourself if you’re happy? Or maybe the things you do aren’t making you happy, it’s because you’re scared so that’s why you do it? Letting fear trick you into thinking that you’re making yourself happy but instead you’re only feeding it? Or maybe what you’re doing isn’t for yourself but you’re conforming to the majority? In other words, maybe we’re doing it to impress others because we’re afraid that we won’t fit in? Would it be hard to change that? To breakaway from the majority of people and live by your own rules? And learn not to be ashamed of yourself but of the people who laugh at you? How do I stand tall and square my shoulders and tell the world that I don’t care what other people think? That I would stop doing anything that’s destroying myself because I was afraid of standing alone while everyone else is following the crowd? Should I value myself more than others? Is it okay to be selfish at times? Do you think it’s stupid to keep lying to yourself when you already know what’s real and you’re giving in only because you’re afraid to face the truth? Like for example, you slit your wrists because it feels good to see blood oozing out which in a way comforts you into thinking that it’s all your pain and anger that’s oozing out and to hurt the others around you when deep down you know you’re only hurting yourself more and not others? Why do we do that? Does it ease the pain away? Or does it only push you deeper into darkness? Why am I like this? How can I be so young and have so many thoughts going through my mind? Why can’t I be like others? Why can’t I just be a little more nonchalant about certain things in life? Why do I bother so much about the little things? Why can’t I just sit back and enjoy what I have in front of me and not wonder what more I can get that’s hidden from my view? Why do I keep doing the same mistake? How do I stand up for myself and tell myself that it is not worth it to continue destroying myself because I am afraid of being alone? And why do I keep repeating the same questions when I already know what needs to be done? Is it because of my fears? Am I too cowardly to face it? Am I afraid of what awaits me when I’m left to walk alone in the dark? Do I envy what other people have that I don’t? If so, why do I need to be envious when I know deep down I’m better off not having what wasn’t given to me? Am I ready to take the first step? Would it be the right thing to do? Would I regret it? Would I give in to it like every other time?
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9 Comments
jz do watever u think its right, dont hav 2 care bout wat others will think.. its ur life, wat others hav 2 do with it… do watever u think is rite n hav no regrets bout it.
AIyooo… This is one memeningkan kepala punya post. I sudah bengong.
You know… I’m not even gonna read.
I’m gonna tell you this…
there there… Dont be sad. =D
lolz. i din read 1 word but its freaky long hahaha!
[ so called jerk ] stop that ok :grumpy:
[ su ning ] u malasified woman!! jadi fatter than u know lol n guess what?!?! i didnt get any fatter during the holidays!! :dead::dead: :dead:
[ matt ] alamak!!! u’re macam su ning ok!! wana try something longer???? go read experiment bla bla, can search la dalam search bar tuuu kan!! not read but see the pictures. CONFIRM satisfied till u can STOP eating ice-cream forever :yuck:
u should at least put it in a few paragraphs. it would be much easier to read that way instead of 1 big paragraph :yuck:
SO????
I memangnya didnt get fat also. You yang the one who so gilaly worried bout me getting fat only.
Why ah????????
*COUGH COUGH*
Hi Melissa… happy new year! :cute:
Anywya, I’ve read your post… well at least the post is readable. I got the exact same feeling in my life before as I read your post, it rings a bell in my mind. There was once I felt hated and being left alone. When I was young I thought the scariest thing is being left in the dark but now what really haunts me is people betraying you, stabbing you in the back, dropping the stone as you fall into a well (a chinese idiom…) and not helping you although you pleaded for their help.
Due to my weird character and personality I was being isolated from the majority of the students in my early secondary school years and I told myself - that’s okay since you’ll make new friends later. But this turned out to be the opposite of the truth behind the whole thing and I regretted for not doing anything that may help.
I was an incosiderate person, and I’ve hurt some people’s heart. They went around spreading the word, and the negative effects on my social network amplified. I was hated again. I was depressed. I felt suicidal. I felt that even if I died nobody would care and they will live on happily without me. That kind of feeling really hurts, and it tainted my soul.
I tried to change, to make everyone accpet me (and validate my existence)… but even if I changed to that personality they liked, they never ever treat me like others. I was like a subhuman in their eyes…
But after a long while thinking and finding my true self I found that I have nothing to loose since I’ve changed and I’ve apologised over what I’ve done, it’s their fault for not accepting me again. No hard feelings, but that’s the way I comfort myself.
I feel like typing a post now instead of a comment :yuck: gotta stop. Take care and see ya! I just want to let you know there are many people out there who feels just like you… don’t be afriad, don’t run away. Face it with courage, and one day everything will settle down.
See ya :blush:
[ People of the world!! ] see see!! it’s READABLE as stated by teddy!! (thanks) bwahahahaha
[ michelle ] thanks for the tips jie, haha i’ve seen how u read this post :dead:
[ teddy ] yupyup thanks for your great advice
and i think the most important of all is just to be yourself. I don’t find u weird when i talk to u over the msn, in fact i find u very funny!! good at making jokes and all :blush: anyways don’t worry, i’m all okay now and starting to go back like normal 
[ su ning ] i’m just being concerned as a friend su ning
Teehee glad you’re feeling better now melissa :blush:
Anyway the post is readable. It doesn’t have typo errors at least :cute: Haha!